your cat likes me better (malice_n_wonder) wrote,
your cat likes me better
malice_n_wonder

New Year's Resolutions I Want Others to Make

Instead of committing myself to failure self-improvement just yet, I have instead compiled a list of resolutions I'd like public figures to make. (This idea was respectfully stolen from Ariana Huffington.) 

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"In 2013, we vow to stop trying to convince people that we're talented or interesting." - The Kardashians 

"We're committing ourselves to another season." - The cast and crew of Breaking Bad

"We're going to stop bemoaning bullying while at the same time clinging to an increasingly emaciated and impossible-to-obtain standard of beauty. Hypocrisy isn't cool." - pretty much everyone in today's media

"The new year will see fewer reality shows and a return to more scripted fare." - television network execs

"I'm going to shut my huge, yammering pie hole." - Kanye West

"This year I'm finally going to learn proper grooming habits." - Shia LaBeouf

"We'll stop rewriting our privacy policies in an attempt to hide the fact that we're raping you of your private information and auctioning it off to the highest bidder ." - Facebook, Instagram, Foursquare, etc.

"We're going to stop allowing politicians to pander to lobbyists and corporations and instead make them look out for the best interests of their constituents, which is what they're getting paid to do." - American voters

"I think it's better for everyone if I just go away." - Chris Brown


Okay, your turn. What resolutions would you like to hear?
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