Mother's Day was difficult. It was the first one since my grandmother died, and I thought I'd handle it better than I did. Even though she'd had a few tough years and her mental decline had accelerated, just knowing my grandmother was still physically present had somehow always been a source of comfort. I hated how ravaged her body and mind were near the end, I hated that nursing home she was in, and I really hated seeing the people working there treat her with such gruff indifference, but I would give just about anything to be able to tell her one last time how much I love her and know she heard me.
I can't even visit her grave. No one knows where it is or even if she has one. In the days following Grandma's death, the cousin who was Grandma's power of attorney got into it with my great aunt over items missing from the estate and decided to cancel the memorial service. Then she did who-knows-what my grandmother's ashes in secret instead of interring them next to my grandfather, per Grandma's frequently stated wishes. I'm not exactly a materialistic person so maybe my perspective is skewed, but it's astonishing to me that anyone would be capable of such a heartless, irrevocable act, particularly when the conflict just boils down to an argument over money. Nothing could be worth this.
Side note: The thought that I might, at some point in the future, have a seizure and forget about this entire shitshow only to have learn about it all over again fucking haunts me. Coming to terms once with the hateful things people are capable of is more than enough.
On the bright side, Mr. Malice was wonderful (as always). I think he knew I was in for a rough time because he kept unveiling little surprises throughout the day. We went for a nice drive to get out of the house in the evening, and he made dinner when we got home. At different times throughout the day, I had nice talks with my mom, the girls, the niece we helped raise, and of course our grandson. He kept running around their living room while his mom was talking, occasionally popping in and out of frame to call out things like, "I love you, Grandma!", "Look, I'm an airplane!" and "Now I'm a naked airplane!" (He's going through an extended nudity phase. His parents are working on it.) It was the only time I genuinely laughed all day...at which point I got scolded by my daughter for "encouraging" him. #BadInfluence #TotallyWorthIt