- You know when you're riding in a car and it goes over a big hill...? Sometimes that tickles my (*whispers*) balls.
- Sometimes it looks like I'm doing bad things, but that's not really me. That's Evil Hayden taking over my body. He's like the bad side of my personality. I think he's a poltergeist or something.
- I wrote a movie. I don't have a name for it yet but Evil Hayden kidnaps Michelle Obama, and Mr. Obama gets real mad and becomes Killerface to get revenge. He's a lot like the Punisher, only he used to be a president.
- When I'm by myself in my room at night, I practice saying cuss words so that when I grow up I'll be able to win arguments.
- Today I rode the Viking Ship at the fair. I was so scared, I closed my eyes and started yelling, "Take me, God! Take me!"*
*Apparently, this disturbed the other riders so much that the ship was stopped and Hayden was let off early.